i'M liKe aN oLd houSe

yesterday was one of those days.

i was a disappointment.

i failed.

i failed as a mother.

i failed as a friend.

i failed as a wife.

i just felt sad. 

i was frustrated with myself that i couldn't do better. that i couldn't be better.

and then i read this.

"on my worst days, i start to believe that what God wants is perfection. that God is a new-house God. That everything has to work just right, with no cracks in the plaster and no loose tiles. that i need to be completely fixed up. i always think that God's kind of people are squeaky-clean people whose garages don't leak, but really a lot of the people God uses to do amazing things are people who don't necessarily have it all together. a lot of the best stories in the Bible, the ones where God does sacred, magical things through people, have a cast of characters with kind of shady pasts, some serious fixer-uppers."

shauna niequist cold tangerines

i've reread this paragraph approximately 25 times since yesterday. 

it hits home.

it's true.

and i am oh so thankful for a God that takes my disappointments,

that takes my failures

and loves me because of them.

because where other people see a rickety old house,

God sees an amazing story.

a story that will make Him look good.

a story that takes my failures and my weaknesses 

and shows off God's perfection.

*if you haven't read shauna niequist, you absolutely must.

bittersweet is amazing

and i'm just beginning cold tangerines.

they are so personal and almost every chapter i read i think,

'huh, how is it possible that she says exactly what i think and feel?'

do it.

you'll thank me.