noThiNg gooD

things have been rough around these parts lately.

a certain two year old {i won't name any names} is driving me over the edge.

on any given day at the fulghum house you will hear

whining,

yelling,

begging,

crying,

fit throwing.

don't get me wrong.

not all of it is from said two year old.

a good amount of it is coming from my lips.

today, i was at my limit.

i couldn't even discipline her because i was afraid of what i might do.

i was angry.

i was sad.

i was frustrated.

frustrated because instead of being the exception,

today had turned into the norm.

i felt ashamed.

what kind of mother am i?

and then i read this

"for i know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.

for i have the desire to do what is right, 

but not the ability to carry it out.

for i do not do the good i want,

but the evil i do not want is what i keep on doing.

now if i do what i do not want, it is no longer i who do it,

but sin that dwells within me."

romans 7:18-20

so good for my soul. 

i mean, if it's in the bible, i must not be the only one who desires to do good, but just can't.

right?

i want so badly to do what is right.

to be a good mom.

to nurture my girls. to love them. to teach them. to encourage them. 

but what i want most is to show them the gospel.

and everyday when i screw up,

everyday when i yell, and throw a fit, 

and am short tempered,

i get to apologize.

i get to tell my girls about how Jesus died on the cross to forgive me for the sin that dwells within me.

and the sin that dwells within them.

praise Jesus that he has not called me to be perfect.

that my hope isn't in being the "good mom".

because for crying out loud, i would be hopeless.

but my hope is in Jesus.

and he redeems, he forgives and he saves.